First, a disclaimer: This is not meant to be a political post per se. Rather, it is about my reaction to the recent US election and my contemplation over the past few weeks about how to best balance the desire to be an informed, active, and engaged citizen with my mental health needs and emotional well-being. If you’re completely past your limits on political topics, this may be worth skipping.
With that framing, I will share that I was one of the folks who woke up Wednesday, November 6, and began crying when I saw the election outcome. But it wasn’t for the reason you might think. And you may think it quite selfish, really, once I explain.
The tears didn’t arise because of the implications that Trump’s return to my nation’s highest office holds, nor what it communicates about our country to the rest of the world, though these things matter greatly whether you’re for or against the man and his party. It was actually moreso out of pity for myself. There, I said it. Whew! Not an easy thing to confess. But now that I have, please allow me to elaborate.
Since I dove wholeheartedly into my healing process and efforts to align with my purpose and values, there have been years of hard work, grieving, missteps, recalibrations, pivots, and so on. The more progress I make, the more intention and attention the journey seems to require of me. Same goes for my commitment to cultivating more compassion for myself and others, plus striving to improve my self-talk and be a gentler, more effective communicator with others. Not to mention all of the effort involved in improving self-regulation and learning how to manage my AuDHD (autism + ADHD).
In the coming four years, I anticipate that all of these areas I’ve been working on will be even more vital to my life and my place in the world, yet more challenging to succeed at with a second Trump presidency as the backdrop to whatever is happening around me. It seems inevitable that life will be requiring even more intention, attention, effort, and regulation. And frankly, I felt (and still feel) exhausted even thinking about it.
Not hopeless, but weary. We’ll get through this, I’m sure. Just like my bus accident brought unexpected silver linings, there may even be some good that comes out of the stress and struggle – for myself, and for the country. But, damn, I don’t relish in summoning the will and courage for what lies ahead!
I was fortunate to have therapy scheduled for the same day that the results were announced and the anxiety creeping in was the main topic. In the weeks since, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how I can navigate this better than last time. I’m wary of repeating things that I’ve learned were not healthy for me or conducive to creating a better world.
Some of the toxic shit that comes to mind from how I was moving through the world from 2016-2020 includes:
- overdoing it on volunteer work, protests, and other forms of community action at the expense of personal goals, relationships, and my physical and mental health;
- making hasty generalizations, succumbing to bias, and contributing to polarization with aggressive and unhelpful rhetoric; and
- becoming drained, burnt out, angry, reactive, hopeless, and more.
“Anyone who’s interested in making change in the world, also has to learn how to take care of herself, himself, theirselves.”
Angela davis
I’m not trying to be overly self-critical here, so much as it is that I’m looking at what went down before and asking myself a lot of really tough questions:
- What will I do differently this time?
- How can I keep working to be healthier and happier in my personal life while fear, anxiety, and suffering surround me?
- How can I pace myself?
- How can I keep perspective that every pursuit can be an act of resistance, like even just showing care for my body by remembering to floss?
- How can I build bridges instead of divides?
- How can I give myself and others grace — and I mean all others, not just the Blue Team folks — as we try to do our best and misstep along the way?
Instead of throwing my life into complete upheaval trying to save the damn world, I’m hoping to find more balance and:
- prioritize my health and well-being
- continue to work on my personal life and goals
- build bridges instead of divides
- bring love to every single thing I do
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.”
Audre Lorde
In November, Patti Smith published a short lovely video in reference to the post-election energy. You can watch “A few words” on Substack, if you’d like. My favorite part is below.
Do not feel cornered, hemmed in. Do not let your mental and heart space be dictated by others.
Lots to think about as I brace for the impact of today’s inauguration and the years to follow. But, as Patti said, I am not cornered. I don’t have to do any specific thing right now or change my course or let other people/situations determine how I move through the world. The same goes for you too.
Last month, I took Patti’s closing statement in this video as a gentle nudge to move on from anxiety. “Back to work,” she said. Indeed.
hezhub.com 